State of Mind
One thing I’m not going to do is dive deep on the seriousness of the situation. The word “cancer” alone conjures darkness. The love and concern of friends and family remind me of the depth, but my journey has been one of mindful awareness of and respect for the brevity of life. We have to live it while we can because there are no do-overs. How we get to a point in our lives is based on the decisions we make. That notion alone makes you pause and think about where you are in this moment.
Revisiting Old Friends
Living in the moment saves me from torment. I spend days focused on work, and doing things around the house to make it more comfortable and functional during my upcoming recovery. I have a list of supplies, a list of books, a list of movies. The best thing is that I will have uninterrupted writing time, and I plan to write a lot of poetry. Poetry is a hidden talent that I’ve kept under wraps for years. I had a bad experience in my early days of doing spoken word. I was untrained, but I always loved the way I could play with words to describe my life observations.
I think it might have been the Leimert Park crowd I was performing in front of. The set had a blues format, where every other poem was about the suffering and torment of Black people. The life of a Black middle class male, educated in an integrated school system didn’t have much to contribute to the vibe, and my time was often cut short by the host. I was considered a square. You know how Chuck D on “Welcome to the Terrordome” said “every brother ain’t a brother”? The actual meaning of that phrase can be found in the song of the same title, but I had been accused of that several times because of my middle-class breeding. I could’ve tried other poetry spots, but my confidence was already broken.
Shortly after my fall from grace in spoken word, I was asked to write some reviews for a new magazine called No Sellout, and lo and behold, hip-hop journalism became my home for the next 12 years. At the same time, the LA riots, the largest civil uprising on American soil, demolished the foundations of my cultivation. The LA riots brought out the soul of the writer in me.
New Hope
In all my artistic expressions, from my acting and singing in high school and college musicals, to the words and photography I produced in the Golden Age of Hip Hop, to the films, videos and NFTs that I’ve created in recent years, I am oblivious to the way these expressions make people feel. I realize that when I express what I’m feeling inside in the moment, I can express my deepest feelings through poetry.
The sheer joy of being in my poetry space is a selfish joy. It’s a release. I’ve kept it to myself to heal from the trauma that came along with the loss of the love and spontaneity I had before LA burned down nearly 30 years ago. That’s how long I’ve been moving in spurts to get past the past, falling and rising, forgetting and remembering, until I remember that all that I am is all that I was. I’m a product of my hardships. I’ve got the blues.
New Life
In two weeks, I will begin the healing journey of recovery from robotically assisted radical prostatectomy. I strive to be mindfully aware of where I grow from there. And while there are no do-overs once this life ends, there are parts of life you can do-over with a changed outlook. I want to know if the poetic gifts that got me through my emotional and mental healing can do the same for others. I want to start sharing my joy again, finally.

Good Evening Loupy! What An Extraordinary Story. My Father Was Diagnosed With Brain Tumor And It Was Tough To See Him Go. Thank You For Making This World A Better Place By Sharing Your Journey. My Name Is Leona Ocean, I Am A Music Artist From Montreal And I Write Music As A Therapy. I Launched My Debut “Be In The Now” On All Social Media Platforms And Gained Amazing Results And Knowledge! Check My Music Out? Have An Amazing Evening!
-Leona Ocean
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