Overcoming Challenges: Journey of a Single Black Father

What portent can exist greater than a single black father? Black fathers in general were deemed absent a few generations ago, but today we outchea in numbers doing our best to raise these kids. I’ll take that credit. I get lots of compliments on the job that I’m doing. One thing for sure, I don’t want to be the forgotten brotha who people used to know back in the day who didn’t handle his business. I’m striving for greatness, but that can be a struggle when my focus is also striving to build great men from boys.

Excuse me if I pat myself on the back for a moment here. Aside from providing care and accoutrements for the kiddos, I’ve been doing a great job of providing myself with a lot of self-care. I have to treat my body right, so I go on my walks, take my meds and supplements, eat a vegetable and/or fruit a day, and get in an occasional massage when I can. I pray continuously throughout the day because all the help I get is through the power of the Creator. Prayer also helps keep my mind off the shortcomings of my human brothers and sisters (and mine) and the various stresses they create in the quest for me becoming a better me, and mindful of the ones (including myself) who encourage and amplify the positives. I stay current on events and trends by reading the latest headlines. I think I’m the only fool who subscribes to Apple News, copying and pasting articles in an email to share them with friends because sending the links direct won’t work unless they have a subscription too. Wow.

Being a parent is like driving a car; you have to be the pilot and the navigator. Before GPS you had to bust out a map to figure out where you had to go if you didn’t know how to get there. Now you type in an address and boom! you have directions, ETA and traffic updates. However, parenting doesn’t have GPS, but it can be an easier task when it’s a team effort. Single parenting can be more like taking public transit in an unfamiliar city without GPS… at night. It’s a slow maneuver from bus stop to bus stop, through thoroughfares and neighborhoods where you don’t know what to expect coming from around the corners. There are times when I’m just riding, but I’m always vigilant for dangers and new adventures, just like I am when Evan and I ride the Metro. Nurturer and cultivator, all in one. That’s what every parent should be for their kids, the river banks guiding the flow of children’s’ lives.

Today has been three years since the biopsy that changed my life. In a couple of months, the medical portion of my treatment will be over. I’m still dealing with the mental health side of things. It’s amazing how I’ve overcome what I have and actually improved the quality of life for my kids: one’s going to a top rated school and the other’s got his first job being a music instructor. It just goes to show that sometimes the perils of a single black dad have nothing to do with raising the kids. I’m an independent guy who has never really had to ask for help with anything, and the past three years have proven to me that I can’t do it all alone. For me, the peril lies in the isolation of being single, black, with the added audacity of fighting a major cancer battle. It’s a superhuman feat that I should be proud of, but really all it’s done is bring out the utmost humility in me.

I’ll end with a haiku, my favorite kind of poetry because of its simplicity and orderliness, a space I’m attempting to create in a life of uncertainty and gratitude.

Slow Growth

What is, is what was
What was, is what is, just then
What will be, is now

Loupy D's avatar

By Loupy D

Lawrence Evan Dotson was born in Los Angeles, California. He decided early in life that he wanted to tell stories. He was a character who could entertain his two older sisters by staging his own version of a church radio broadcast that they would listen to on Sunday nights. His desire to perform followed him through grade school, and in his senior year of high school, a UCLA professor scouted and urged Lawrence to major in theater. Lawrence felt convicted to follow in the footsteps of his father, so instead of declaring Theater Arts as a freshman, he went in undeclared to sit out for a spot in the highly competitive Engineering Department. It only took one calculus class to convince Lawrence that Theater Arts was his calling and that he was going to achieve his goal of being recognized for his talents. While attending UCLA, he combined his interests in art and music and was one of the founders of the UCLA Jazz and Reggae Festival. He was on the Student Committee for the Arts, which put on the Jazz at the Wadsworth Series in conjunction with KKGO FM. Lawrence became more aware of social justice issues affecting the African American community on campus and became active in organizations that promoted positive change. He collaborated with students from other majors and formed the African Theater Collective, which promoted and produced plays from the African Diaspora. That action inspired a performance protest demanding the hiring of more black professors in the Theater Department, and tenure for longtime Professor, Dr. Beverly J. Robinson. The performance was based upon the subject matter that Dr. Robinson taught: the procession of the Black Theater experience in America as depicted through the development of the African slave from the plantations, to the pulpit, to the stage. Blessed with a wealth of knowledge and a rich experience from the University, Lawrence graduated and landed a job as an actor with University Express, an outreach program managed by a former student of Dr. Robinson. The troupe performed plays at Middle and High Schools that stressed the importance of continuing education. The job allowed him enough time to go on auditions, but after a year Lawrence burnt out on the acting treadmill. He met an editor for an underground Hip Hop magazine called No Sellout in 1991. Lawrence had his first article published in the second issue, an interview with L.A. DJ Michael Mixxin Moor. Lawrence began writing under “Loupy D”, coined from a childhood nickname. He wrote articles, reviews and commentary, and conducted interviews with some of Hip Hop’s top entertainers like The Notorious BIG, Wu Tang Clan, Erykah Badu and many others until 2003. In 2015, he earned an MFA in Creative Writing, after submitting a draft of a memoir based on his experiences growing up in post-Civil Rights Era Los Angeles. He's published an academic article, “Persona in Progression: A Look At Creative Nonfiction Literature In Civil Rights and Rap,” in Assay: A Journal of Nonfiction Studies. He also served a brief stint as the music editor for the online writing journal Drunk Monkeys. In between writing stints, Lawrence has and continues to be an avid amateur photographer and independent film professional. He will be releasing books and videos of his work over time, just as soon as he figures out how to balance work life with the life of single parenting two sons.

Leave a comment