From Struggles to Strength: My Post-Cancer Reflections

When I have enough uninterrupted moments to sit down and focus, I can always find something to write about. I missed posting a seasonal fall update. Like many others, I’ve been mesmerized—no, consumed—by the media these past few months. That sad addiction to social media had rotted my brain to the brink of dullness. But today, while waiting to have my car serviced, I’ve been gifted a rare moment of stillness. So, I want to share some of the exciting and random thoughts that have been sparking my synapses and snapping me back into action.  

My cancer is in remission. I finished my last treatment in August. The side effects are expected to linger for a few more months, according to my doctor. However, I’m experiencing fewer night sweats and mood swings, and testosterone is circulating through my body again. My energy levels have returned, and so has my will to push beyond my limits. A year ago, I felt worthless and useless—I seriously wanted this condition to end. I honestly don’t know how I managed to stay positive. I faced my neighbors, family, and friends during some of my darkest moments. My ultimate survival tool was realizing I didn’t have to be “useful.” My worth wasn’t measured by what I could *do* but by what I could *give*—and thankfully, my sons appreciated every effort I made.  

I rarely slip into self-pity, but today was one of those moments. Sitting in traffic on my way to the shop, I found myself comparing my life to all the healthy men in the world. This time, no comforting thought of “someone out there has it worse” cracked the tempered-glass toughness of my frustration. My strength wasn’t enough to carry me through that moment. The courage others often admire in me felt distant. Instead, I was overwhelmed by a mental fog—a black cloud in my mind that stirred up sadness. Even now, writing about it invites tears. But I realize that this moment of despair is just another test.  

Cancer is worse than I ever imagined. It tolls on more than the body—it depletes the soul and deteriorates the mind. I’m now faced with figuring out how to manage life after cancer. I feel as though I’m living in a gray area: caught between who I was before my diagnosis and who I am becoming during recovery. The blessing is that I can look back and remember the pain while also looking forward to a bright future. I’ve decided to embrace this gray area and use it to my advantage—to enjoy simply being and doing what I love right now.  

Recently, a friend told me to show more pride in my accomplishments. Surviving cancer is only part of my story. I should also take pride in everything I’ve achieved and experienced during my recovery. Through my work, I’ve realized the importance of sharing my journey. I’m contributing something unique to the world, and people are interested in what I have to say and do. To quote LL Cool J, one of my all-time favorite rappers, “Don’t call it a comeback; I’ve been here for years!”

If you want to follow my journey more closely, check out my Instagram for updates. Here are some highlights from 2024:  

Riding the train with the kid

Writing haiku at the beach

Celebrating ‘Pac

Growing bonsai trees

Watching the kid grow

Letting my inner kid glow

Hanging with community legends

Spurring community interest in the arts

Making art

Exhibiting art

Sharing history

Getting with The Getty

Launching a brand new website

Have a blessed and wonderful New Year…

2025 WILL BE ALL THE WAY LIVE!

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By Loupy D

Lawrence Evan Dotson was born in Los Angeles, California. He decided early in life that he wanted to tell stories. He was a character who could entertain his two older sisters by staging his own version of a church radio broadcast that they would listen to on Sunday nights. His desire to perform followed him through grade school, and in his senior year of high school, a UCLA professor scouted and urged Lawrence to major in theater. Lawrence felt convicted to follow in the footsteps of his father, so instead of declaring Theater Arts as a freshman, he went in undeclared to sit out for a spot in the highly competitive Engineering Department. It only took one calculus class to convince Lawrence that Theater Arts was his calling and that he was going to achieve his goal of being recognized for his talents. While attending UCLA, he combined his interests in art and music and was one of the founders of the UCLA Jazz and Reggae Festival. He was on the Student Committee for the Arts, which put on the Jazz at the Wadsworth Series in conjunction with KKGO FM. Lawrence became more aware of social justice issues affecting the African American community on campus and became active in organizations that promoted positive change. He collaborated with students from other majors and formed the African Theater Collective, which promoted and produced plays from the African Diaspora. That action inspired a performance protest demanding the hiring of more black professors in the Theater Department, and tenure for longtime Professor, Dr. Beverly J. Robinson. The performance was based upon the subject matter that Dr. Robinson taught: the procession of the Black Theater experience in America as depicted through the development of the African slave from the plantations, to the pulpit, to the stage. Blessed with a wealth of knowledge and a rich experience from the University, Lawrence graduated and landed a job as an actor with University Express, an outreach program managed by a former student of Dr. Robinson. The troupe performed plays at Middle and High Schools that stressed the importance of continuing education. The job allowed him enough time to go on auditions, but after a year Lawrence burnt out on the acting treadmill. He met an editor for an underground Hip Hop magazine called No Sellout in 1991. Lawrence had his first article published in the second issue, an interview with L.A. DJ Michael Mixxin Moor. Lawrence began writing under “Loupy D”, coined from a childhood nickname. He wrote articles, reviews and commentary, and conducted interviews with some of Hip Hop’s top entertainers like The Notorious BIG, Wu Tang Clan, Erykah Badu and many others until 2003. In 2015, he earned an MFA in Creative Writing, after submitting a draft of a memoir based on his experiences growing up in post-Civil Rights Era Los Angeles. He's published an academic article, “Persona in Progression: A Look At Creative Nonfiction Literature In Civil Rights and Rap,” in Assay: A Journal of Nonfiction Studies. He also served a brief stint as the music editor for the online writing journal Drunk Monkeys. In between writing stints, Lawrence has and continues to be an avid amateur photographer and independent film professional. He will be releasing books and videos of his work over time, just as soon as he figures out how to balance work life with the life of single parenting two sons.

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