I’ve been living life, and life is good.
I want to share a journal entry from a year ago this very day. I’m in a better space now.
I’m working on an epic piece to share with you all soon that’ll let you know what’s been the focus of my life for the last 12 months. For now, enjoy this past participle…
I feel like I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore.
I mean, what’s the point, unless you’re tryna to communicate something that’s going to make a difference somehow.
I guess I’m tired of everyone’s opinion being right. I’m looking for the truth, not opinions. Is it wrong for people to believe what they want to believe in, even though it goes against what we believe? Who’s right? Who’s telling the truth?
Alternative facts are real. The 7 Chinese Brothers proved that…or was it the 3 Blind Chinamen? The story about some dudes feeling on an elephant, and each one of them describes the body part they’re feeling as if it were something else, like a tail for a rope or a leg as a tree trunk. It’s an elephant, but each one sees what they want to see. How am I different? I can see what they all see, and see why they can see it. There’s not a lot of people I know who can do that. I guess that’s why we stay on the fringe. We be looking at the mayhem. Though we see the whole, we play our part, which means we’re just as much a part of the mess!
My Lord, spare me the retribution of the last days. I can smell the end coming. I’ll do what I can, but forgive me for the rest, okay? And can I have some nice things in my life again? And please don’t let me die lonely and crazy.
Hey. I’ve been absent for a while. April was a month of fluctuations and adjustments. I had to get used to someone sleeping on my couch for one. I had a couple of house guests last month at different times. The first was my pregnant friend from Joshua Tree who stayed with me while the AWP Conference was in town at the start of the month. For a woman with a torn abdomen and a broken pinky toe – AND 8 months preggers – she could move around!
We had an adventure riding the Metro Expo Line from downtown, where we discovered that the benches had been removed from the underground station at Pershing Square. My guess was that it was so the homeless would have no comfortable place to sleep out of the elements. We had been on our feet almost the entire day since 10 AM. It was 10 PM when we made the discovery that we would be standing at least another half hour, as we waited for our train to arrive at its Sunday night scheduled time. I was glad that we went to a yoga workshop in the afternoon, or else our attitudes and our spirits would not have been appreciative of all the information about publishing, writing and networking we gleaned from our excursion.
When we got back to my apartment, we were starving. It was a chance for me to practice my vegan cooking skills. I made cornbread for the first time with no egg. She even had the nerve to put me on blast on Facebook, for making something so delicious!
House guest number two was an ex-flame who was in transition moving from one living situation to another. It was then that I learned about the new recent ex-boyfriend that she got with after me. She and I remained friends after our “situation,” but she never mentioned the new guy in any of our conversations over the phone or in person. I do remember that we were kind of out of touch between the holiday season last winter and her birthday in February. I knew that she was planning a trip to Florida for that occasion with her girls. While she was staying with me, she showed me pics of her in the club and just hanging out, and then she showed me pics of her in the Bahamas having a great time.
“Oh yeah, that was a special surprise that I didn’t expect,” she told me. I could only guess that it was a gift from the new guy. And now there she was, couch surfing in my living room, caught between situations.
After a week I helped her move into her new place: a room in a house not far from me. When she left she said that now that she’s closer, that we could spend more time together, as friends of course. Of course. I wouldn’t stand for being involved in another “situationship.”
All said and done, I’m glad May has arrived. In just about an hour, I’m poised to be a guest on another radio show, this time talking about the writing craft. I hope May brings the flowers that April showers promise, but the weathermen promised El Niño this year too, and I was dreadfully disappointed. I appreciated the few drenchings we got in this portion of Southern Cali. I just hope that it was enough to irrigate my mind and allow some creativity to sprout from this fertile brain.
Catch me on KPFT.ORG/LISTEN today at 11am PDT.